Toxic Positivity

First Published 6 January 2022

This month on Therapists in Conversation we were talking about the side effects of positivity! 

When we chose this months topic my mind went in one direction and I think Leslie’s went in another.  Isn’t it interesting how that happens?

My thoughts on Toxic Positivity were internal – Am I being too positive and not seeing the bigger picture? Am I missing something? Do I have the blinkers on and is this a safe way to live life or is there maybe a touch of denial?

The conversation went in the direction of how our words/behaviour can affect others – It’s not that bad… Just smile… You’ve got this… At least it’s not… It could be worse… and any other platitude that can steam roll right over the emotions of the person on the receiving end of this kind of chat.

Both aspects are valid – do you notice yourself in either of these? Are you the one with the toxic inner voice?  Have you been the one to tell someone else to smile and/or get over it? Or perhaps you have been on the receiving end of someone else telling you to ‘suck it up’?  Maybe even a mixture of all three over time?  I would love to say I have never been any of these, but, if I am truly honest, I would have to admit that I have been guilty of the first 2 in the past and have been on the receiving end of the third!

All I can do now is pay more attention to the words I use when speaking to myself or when listening (emphasis on listening and perhaps keeping my mouth shut) when someone else is going through stuff (I seem to be ok in coach mode but not always on it in my role as a human!).  And also being aware if I feel that a ‘helpful’ friend is shutting down my thoughts before I can fully form and then process them – especially as my brain can sometimes take that processing stage a little longer than most.

How about you?  Can you look back at times where you have been in one of these 3 positions – would you do something different with hindsight?  Do you agree with the conversation in this month’s recording?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and any points where you didn’t agree or you would like to put another view across.