What do you say to yourself when no one else is listening?

First Published 2 March 2023

I was on a course recently where the speaker was talking about the negative self talk we all experience… but what if I was to say ‘it doesn’t have to be like that’?

I’ve spent years working on this but am now in a place where my negative self talk has pretty much been muted!

A key thing to remember is that no one else controls our thoughts.  They are a result of our experiences, values, beliefs and attitudes – and all of these have the ability to change.

We can choose to focus on the positive or the negative thoughts.  By making that choice, we then drive our own mental environment.

Ultimately, what we think and how we think – which then leads on to what we say to ourselves is up to us.  So, can you take control and create the life you want?

If you have managed to wrangle your self talk in to being a ‘nicer guy’, fantastic – I’d love to know if you have any tips and tricks on how you got to and stay in the positive that I can share.

If not, here’s some tips that I have come across over the years that have been massively helpful to myself and my clients:

• Awareness.  You can’t change something you don’t know about – so listen to yourself, is what you inner voice saying affecting your emotions?  Pay attention.
• Challenge the thoughts.  Question if what the voice is telling you is real/accurate – when of my favs is to ask ‘Really?’ usually with one eyebrow raised and my hands on my hips!! Can you reframe the thought that popped up? Or perhaps just laugh at how completely ridiculous the thought was!
• Be kind.  If you notice that you are talking down to yourself, turn it around.  If that voice was talking to your friend that way would you stand for it?  How would you talk to your friend instead?
• Let go of perfectionism.  This can be harder that is seems, so baby steps may be needed.  We are only human, we make mistakes – they are usually not going to be disastrous.  Remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself a break – you deserve it!
• Get enough sleep. When we are tired we can be short tempered towards others nevermind ourselves!
• Acknowledge your successes.  Remind that voice that you have achievements – that you are not as bad as it’s telling you.  Even if in your mind it’s a small achievement, celebrate it anyway!
• Find a positive role model.  Seek out people who can be constructive and supportive and ask them for their honesty (family members are usually not the people you want to pick for this!)
• Write it down.  Record the thoughts – this might make them easier to challenge.  Once you have written them down work on reframing them and switch them out for a positive thought.  It might be as simple as adding the word ‘yet‘ to the end of the sentence:  “I can’t do that yet“; “I’m not good enough yet“; add your own statement here…

If all else fails – laugh at yourself! It’s pretty hard to stay feeling negative if you have the giggles!

If you need some support with wrangling the inner voice, do give me a shout – I am still here clearing mental/emotional blocks with Kinesiology and coaching so grab a zoffee or book a session 😊