No! Just no!

First Published 11 May 2023

Have you noticed the bombardment of messages telling us we need to do more, be more and have more?  

Never mind the stress and anxiety that can come from doing all this stuff that we might not even want to do, what about the lack of time this then leaves for ourselves?

One of the kindest things we can do for ourselves is to learn to say ‘No!’

Now I am not suggesting that we need to be rude about it – I am suggesting however that we take a moment to work out where our time and energy is best used that serves us (rather than others) and then set the boundary around where you are willing to give a little and where you need to stand fast.

Remember, if you are saying YES to someone else, you are really saying NO to yourself and something you want to do (even if it is a few hours on the sofa). 

We really can’t do it all, so we do need to make a decision on what we will do.

And the amount of what we can, and want to do is as unique as we are – it’s all about doing what is right for you.

If you do struggle to say no, perhaps it’s worth working out why that is?

Are you:

• scared of disappointing someone?
• worried what others will say or think about you if you don’t do what they want?
• convinced you can do everything and you will get it done no matter how much is thrown your way?

Remember the oxygen mask instructions – we need to put our own on first before we help anyone else.  If we don’t look after our own mental fitness and our needs, we will be unlikely to be of use or help to anyone else.  So my suggestions if you do feel like it’s too hard to say no are:

• Be honest – with yourself and the person asking you – can you and do you want to do it? And do you have the time and energy to do it?
• Don’t be afraid of feel guilty to say no if it’s not the right thing (or time) for you.
• No is a complete sentence – don’t make excuses and apologies – just say No! (I’m sure that was a Byker Grove slogan/song – showing my age now!!🤣)
• Work out where your boundaries are and stick to them.
• Ask for help!

We have all had moments where there is too much to do and not enough time to do it, so reach out to a safe person and ask for help to get stuff done, or to keep you accountable in saying no! 

It might not be easy, but it is worth it.

If you are struggling to say no, come talk to me and we can work on it together. 

You know you are worth it – and if you don’t, then you definitely need to come work with me! 😉

Remember – you are not alone, there are many routes for support (and if I’m not the right route for you, I’ll help you find someone who is!) so ask for help/support, practice saying no and take the time to take care of yourself.