First published 26 January 2024

Are you Stuck at Anchor?

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel stuck? 

Perhaps it can feel a bit like being at anchor in unsheltered waters where the storm is raging on (for those of us in Scotland having faced the storms battering us over the last week or so – imagine being out at sea and being weighed down whilst being battered by the wind and rain and waves!)

How well is that anchor serving us in this kind of situation?  Is it saving us from crashing amongst the rocks that we imagine are out there, or is it more likely to pull us down and drown us?

I talk a lot about putting down the emotional baggage and attachments that no longer serve us. 

This can be anything from a job that we hate getting up for every morning, a friendship or relationship where we feel belittled/bullied, perhaps an outdated belief or even a comment someone made years ago that when we are objective we know isn’t true – yet we still dwell on.

How helpful is it to hold on to these things?

The cost to us of holding on to that anchor can be huge.

We can miss opportunities of a new job if we don’t believe we deserve any better. 

We can feel so drained from maintaining relationships with people who are unkind to us that we don’t have the energy to spend the time with people in our lives who lift us up. 

We can end up missing wonderful opportunities for growth, fun and enjoyment if all of our energy is spent on keeping the status quo and just treading water.

And I do mean ‘we’ in this. 

I know I have stayed in a job for many years more than was helpful (I was determined that I would be offered redundancy – and whilst that did come – I waited 4 years and by the time I got it, I was then convinced I wasn’t any good and no one else would hire me! What a lot of nonsense – I ended up in a much higher paid job and was appreciated in my new role in a way I hadn’t been for those 4 whole years!).

I have stayed in relationships that were unhealthy (I was determined I could make it work – and the down side when it finally ended was that I had to unpick all the damage caused to my psyche while I stayed to ‘make it work’ – cutting the ties a couple of years earlier would have saved so much in therapy costs! 😳)

Where in your life would it be good to reflect on, and weigh up whether it is more beneficial to stay attached to that anchor (perhaps those rocks are real) and where would it be best for you to let go (open seas and safety to ride the waves rather than be battered by them)?

There is power in letting go if it is the right thing for you.  The possibilities are endless when we are open to embracing change, once we have the clarity to take that step.

And remember, there is always a silver lining if you look hard enough – I did get the redundancy, I did get the higher paying job, I did feel more valued – and I was able to get to that new job in a shiny new (to me) car that I bought with the redundancy money – but who knows where I would have been had I taken the plunge and looked for other jobs/opportunities sooner?

I strongly encourage you to reflect on the parts of your life where you feel stuck. 

Are you really stuck?

What are you going to do about it? 

Remember, choosing to stay where you are is a valid choice – however, unless you objectively assess the situation, you won’t know if there may be a better choice out there for you – if you are open to it.  

Whatever you choose, do so with a kindness to yourself.  We are all only doing what we feel is right for us in the moment, with the information we have right now. 

Just make sure that when you do stick your head back above the water that you are doing what is right for you.
 

“The past is an anchor with suffering written on the rope. I don’t live there now. I am cutting myself free.” 

Mark Millar.

If you would like some support to let go of the anchor/cut yourself free and to plot a course away from the rocks, please do reach out. 

Likewise, if you require support to weather the storm, I would love to work with you on that too. 

Only you can decide which choice to make.  So, what will it be?