First published 14 November 2024

Is it possible to Break Free from Old Patterns?

I know I’ve been there – have you?

Stressed, overwhelmed, and reverting to old, unhelpful patterns of behaviour (teenage tantrum anyone?)

It’s almost like our brain defaults to familiar, unhelpful coping mechanisms even when we know that’s not how we want to respond – but, why do we do this?  And more importantly, how can we break free, keep centred and utilise healthier patterns?

Let’s look at the “why” first.

When stressed, we tend to go for the path of least resistance – so the old familiar and automatic responses.  These patterns, most likely formed and strengthened in childhood make them all the more difficult to break.

These responses can perversely give us a sense of comfort and familiarity, even if they are massively unhelpful.

Recognising the Patterns

Before we can break free from the old patterns, we need to recognise them.  

Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings and behaviours in normal situations and in times of stress.  Notice what the differences are in how you respond in different situations.

When you are stressed are you:

• Withdrawing socially? 
• Over or under-eating? 
• Engaging in negative self-talk?
• Lashing out at the people nearest to you?
• Something else that’s unhelpful?

Once you identify these patterns, then you can start to challenge them and then change them.

Break Free

You know me by now – it must be time for some top tips to help break free from old patterns:

• Mindfulness: find what works for you and practice it – whether that’s meditation, deep breathing, colouring in or something else that you enjoy – stay present.
• Self–awareness: Pay attention to you!  Challenge your thoughts – especially the negative self-talk, and replace it with positive affirmations or just flip the statement to find the positive – my favourite question to ask myself is “Really?”
• Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Develop strategies that are helpful.  Exercise (even if that’s just to walk outside or up and down your stairs!), spend time in nature, or do anything creative that you enjoy
• Seek Support: Talk to a friend, family member, or a therapist (like me 😉) about your challenges.
• Small Steps: Break down your goals into smaller manageable steps to avoid overwhelm – remember the old question: how do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time – so bite sized steps are the way to go!

Remember, breaking free from old patterns takes time, patience and practice.  Be kind and patient with yourself and of course – celebrate your progress.  With consistent effort, you can develop coping mechanisms and create a more relaxed and fulfilling life. If you need a sounding board or help in breaking free, you know how to find me (hint – links below!)