First published 17 August 2025

The Stories We Carry

This week took me from endings to beginnings – and I’m still processing it all.

It started with a phone call that stopped me in my tracks – literally, as I was walking to the train station, (and yep, I missed the blooming train too!) – to tell me a childhood friend had died.

Here’s the complication – we’d fallen out a little over 25 years ago.

Three of us were thick as thieves until an argument split our group.  When I fell out with one friend, the other (the one who died) picked sides. 

He didn’t pick mine.

It was messy, it was painful, and it was the kind of thing that feels earth-shattering when you are a teenager but which adults dismiss as “just a phase.”

Except it wasn’t just a phase, was it?

That moment, that choice, that fracture – I now wonder if it shaped the next quarter-century…?

I flip flopped with whether to attend the funeral.  In the end, I went – and reconnected with the third friend for the first time in decades.

We made a good start at clearing the air properly, which left me with two overwhelming thoughts: how awful that it took a funeral for this conversation, and how much more there was to what happened than just my version of events – we even wondered what might be missing from the complete picture since we will never get to ask for the third perspective..

The Teenager Who Still Lives Inside Us

What struck me was this strange time-travel feeling – jumping from “remember when we were 19” straight to “here’s who I am at 40 something…”

The usual reference points simply weren’t there.

Studies, career progression, relationships,  mutual friends (who now only one of us had connection to), life milestones, shared recent memories – none of it, all missing. 

Instead, we found ourselves stopping a couple times mid sentence to realise the other person just didn’t have that frame of reference!

But something beautiful emerged: he told me he wasn’t surprised by what I do now, that I’d always been good with people.

Twenty-five years later, he could see something in me that I’d never recognised in myself back then. From a kinesiology perspective, I realised how much that teenage experience had shaped my adult relationship patterns. Unresolved emotions create energetic grooves – the more we follow them, the deeper they become. That hurt at 19 had carved a path I’d been unconsciously walking for decades.

The Stories That Shape Us

How many of us carry stories about others that aren’t even remotely accurate?

That falling out was about poor communication and teenage minds unable to process complex emotions.

Yet I’d spent 25 years believing a version of events that was only half true.

Energetically, carrying these unresolved emotions is exhausting.

Our nervous system stays activated for threats that ended decades ago.

Our heart chakra builds walls against hurts that aren’t current and may have never been real.

The belief systems of how we see ourselves and others were formed and locked in on half truths.

Cycles of Life

The week that started with new of a death, ended with a baby shower for a newer friend – celebrating new life, fresh possibilities, and the beautiful responsibility to nurture something precious into being.

The contrast wasn’t lost on me.

In Chinese medicine, we see constant cycles:

Metal element (letting go, grief) making space for Water (reflection, potential) leading to Wood (new growth, spring possibilities).

And so the world continues to turn and we continue our cycle too.

The Conversations Waiting

What conversations are you avoiding?

What stories are you carrying that might not be accurate?

What teenage patterns are still shaping your adult relationships?

I’m not suggesting you need to reconnect with everyone from your past – some doors are meant to stay closed (I know I have a few of those!!).

But I am wondering whether there are relationships, misunderstandings, or assumptions that are taking up precious energy in your system.

Consider this:

• What if the story you’re telling yourself about that situation isn’t the whole truth?
• What if the other person’s experience was completely different from yours?
• What if that defensive pattern you developed to protect yourself is now preventing the very connections you actually want?

The Gift of Perspective

Sometimes we need others to reflect back to us who we really are, beyond the stories we’ve constructed about ourselves.

That moment when my old friend recognised qualities in me that I’d never seen was a gift – not just because it was lovely to hear, but because it reminded me that we’re often so much more than our own narratives allow.

Your teenage self made the best decisions they could with the resources they had.

But you’re not that person anymore.

The patterns that protected you then may no longer be serving you and they might even be limiting you now. The stories that made sense at 19 might need updating at 40+.

And remember teenage you using all their resources is not that dissimilar to growed up you, only now you hopefully with a few more resources in your toolbox

If any of this resonates – if you’re carrying old stories or patterns that feel stuck – I’m here.

A complimentary discovery call or full session might help you release what’s no longer serving you. Because life’s too short to carry grudges that might not even be based in reality.

And sometimes, it takes a funeral to remind us of that.

With love and hope for clearer conversations!