First published 15 November 2025

The Judge-y Trap: Why Are We Harshest on Ourselves?

I’m writing this from Englandshire where I’m co-teaching the first level of Health Kinesiology training (yes, I’m on my teacher training journey – I must be a glutton for punishment 🤣).

This week, we’ve been reminding our students about one of the foundational principles of therapeutic work: remaining non-judgemental.

When working with my clients for kinesiology, I explain it kinda like this:
“When something comes up in a session, I have absolutely no idea what it means to you or what you’re processing internally.  I’m not in your head or your energy system for that matter so I can’t read your mind (I’m good, but I’m not that good 😉),  I simply don’t have that information, so how on earth can I judge you for something when I don’t know what I would be judging?!?!”

We teach our students to hold the same openness with their practice clients and each other.  It’s a beautifully simple principle.

So here’s my question: Why is it that the person I judge the most is myself? Is that the same for you?

Notice how it feels when that critical voice pipes up.

That tightness in your chest.

The heaviness.

The way your energy just… drops.

Excessive self-criticism is linked to an imbalanced Metal element – that harsh inner critic that holds you to impossible standards and finds you constantly lacking.

From an energy perspective, self-judgement literally blocks your flow.

When you’re stuck in self-criticism, your heart chakra contracts.

Your solar plexus (your centre of personal power and self-worth) dims.

Your entire meridian system tenses up, trying to protect you from… well, from yourself.

Here’s the really interesting bit: we often accept our own harsh judgements more readily than we’d ever accept someone else judging us (sometimes cos we don’t even realise we are doing it).

If a friend spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, you’d probably stop answering their calls, or have a very strongly worded conversation with them.  You might be even more annoyed/angry if you heard a friend being spoken to or judged in the way you speak to yourself!

Yet somehow, we give ourselves permission to be utterly brutal.

A Different Way Forward

What if, instead of judgement, you offered yourself the same compassion you’d naturally extend to a friend?

The same empathy you’d give to a client or loved one going through something difficult?

Self-compassion is not self-indulgence.

It’s recognising that being harsh and judgemental towards yourself (or anyone else) is profoundly unhelpful.

It doesn’t motivate you to do better – it just makes you feel worse.

Your Weekly Practice

This week, I invite you to notice when you’re judging yourself. 

Catch that critical voice in action.

When you do, try saying something like: “Thank you for sharing, but that’s not helpful right now.”

You don’t have to argue with it or analyse where it came from.

Just acknowledge it’s there, and gently redirect your attention to something kinder.

When you take the time to slow down and notice, if you’re find your pattern of doing this is more than you expected, or you are ready to shift that harsh inner critic for good, let’s talk.

Book a discovery call and we’ll explore how kinesiology (or any of my other services) can help you find a gentler, more compassionate way forward.

Because you deserve the same kindness you so freely give to others.

Until next time,

Angela

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P.S. Seriously, if a friend spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still be friends or would you have told them to ‘do one’?