First published 13 June 2024

Feeling Frustrated? It Might Be Your Expectations (Not You!)

Do you ever get that feeling that you are constantly chasing a dream that is just out of reach?

You have set goals, work hard, but end up not achieving them and feeling defeated, or perhaps even worse, you do achieve them and the results are disappointing, or anti-climactic?

Well, you are not alone!  It’s not uncommon as we all have expectations for ourselves, our friends and family, and the world around us.  I had a fellow therapist working on me today and there was a big focus in how she works on the topic of expectations (well I have to get my inspiration somewhere!). 

The ones that we have for how we think things should or could be, and the ones others have on us.  (in today’s session, she was asking me to tune in to a past or future version of myself to look at that version of me’s expectations!).  Are they realistic, and have I lived up to my end?

So looking at the gap between expectations and reality – is this where chaos lies?  Does that gap wreak havoc on our moods and motivation?  Or can it be just the nudge we need to make a difference?

Expectations vs. Reality: A Recipe for Disappointment

The expectations we create (and cling on to) can be formed early on in our lives, shaped by our parents/school/friends/environment and a whole host of other aspects of our lives. And that’s before we even acknowledge our past experiences, or societal pressures.

We might expect to get a promotion after a year, have a picture-perfect relationship (book boyfriend/girlfriend anyone?), or finally achieve a certain fitness level (abs and buns of steel?).

The problem?
Reality has a bad habit of not unfolding exactly as we plan (if we even take the time to properly plan that is!  A lot of the time, the expectations are a bit nebulous, not completely formed and have a tendency to morph and twist and change when we aren’t looking!)

Here’s how unmet expectations can affect you:

• Frustration and Disappointment: When reality fails to hit the mark, it can lead to intense feelings of frustration and disappointment.
• Loss of Motivation: Constantly feeling like you’re failing or making no headway can drain your motivation and make it hard to keep moving forward or, at least attempting to do so.
• Low Self-Esteem: Unmet expectations can chip away at your self-esteem, making you question your abilities and self-worth.
• Stress and Anxiety: The pressure to live up to your own (or others’) expectations can be a major source of stress and anxiety.

Breaking Free from the Expectation Trap

The good news is that we are not powerless over our expectations. And as you know I love a good tips list, buckle up cos here we go:

• Identify Your Expectations: What are they?  Take some time to work out what your expectations are, once you are aware of them, acknowledge them and decide if they are helpful/useful and are they even still relevant?
• Challenge Negative Beliefs: Are your expectations realistic? Are they rooted in healthy goals or societal pressures? This is where one of my favourite questions plays a big part “Really?” and ask it with gusto, really challenge what the truth is, look for the facts behind the emotions.
• Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Strive for progress, not perfection. Celebrate small wins and adjust your goals as needed.  This fits in with my training this month to look at the gap vs the gain. Rather than focusing on the gap between where you are now and where the expectation lies, can you shift the focus to looking at where you started from and where you have made it to already, what’s the gain?
• Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Everyone experiences setbacks.  And what you perceive as a setback might just be an opportunity to adapt, take stock and take a better route.
• Embrace Change: Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. Learn to adapt and embrace the journey.  Look for the roller coasters and the helter skelters, they can bring immense joy and maybe some creativity that you otherwise would have missed out on.

Still Struggling to Manage Expectations?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by unrealistic expectations and their impact on your mood and motivation, I can help!

With my toolkit filled with techniques, tools and lots of new ‘homework’ opportunities I can support or facilitate you to:

• Uncover the root of your limiting beliefs and expectations.
• Develop strategies to manage your expectations effectively.
• Boost your self-esteem and resilience.
• Create a plan to achieve your goals in a healthy and sustainable way.
• Be your cheerleader as you travel towards ‘awesome’

Ready to break free from the expectation trap and create a more fulfilling life?

Schedule a complimentary Discovery Call with me today links are below!

We can discuss your challenges and explore how Inner Pathways can help you reach your full potential.

PS Please do a friend a favour, if you know of anyone that could do with a little support, share this post with them and encourage them to click the subscribe link.  Let’s face it, whose life wouldn’t be better if they also got the opportunity to read my weekly waffles 😘