First published 28 February 2025

Ditch the “I’m not worthy” chatter and embrace that someone else’s opinion is their truth.

How often do we get a genuine compliment and immediately brush it off?  Perhaps not even conscious that that is what we are doing?  “oh, it was nothing” may be heard coming from your mouth – or “anyone could have done that”.  For many of us, it’s an automatic response.  A reflex to downplay our achievements or deflect kind words.  But Why?  What makes us do this?

It could be coming from a feeling of unworthiness. 
It could be that we don’t believe we deserve praise 
Or another ‘goodie’ is that accepting praise or a compliment makes us arrogant and could inflate our ego – right?  

What would it feel like if we could learn to embrace compliments?  Could we just accept them at face value – gracefully and authentically?  What if we could silence that inner critic and simply say, “Thank you”?

The Impact of Deflecting Compliments

When we deflect compliments, we are not just dismissing the kind words of others; we are also dismissing ourselves. 

We reinforce a negative self-image and perpetuate a cycle of self-doubt.  And if the negative impact to ourselves isn’t enough to put us off – we can end up making the person giving the compliment feel awkward and uncomfortable – perhaps even making them doubt themselves. 

Can we Break the Cycle?

Here’s how to break free from the “I’m not worthy” chatter and embrace the art of taking a compliment:

1. Recognise the Chatter: Pay attention to your automatic responses (you may need a friend to help with this one!)  When you receive a compliment, notice if you immediately feel the urge to downplay it.  This awareness is the first step to change.
2. Pause and Breathe: Before responding, take a moment to pause and breathe (this is good advice in most situations!).  This helps you interrupt the automatic response and create space for a more conscious reaction.
3. Silence the Inner Critic: Challenge those negative thoughts.  Remind yourself that you are worthy of praise and that accepting a compliment doesn’t make you big-headed – you will still fit through the door!
4. Say “Thank You”: Just say “thank you” with sincerity, and a full stop at the end!  A genuine “thank you” acknowledges the compliment and shows appreciation and validation for the other person’s kindness and opinion.
5. Acknowledge the Specific: If you feel comfortable, you can add a brief acknowledgement of the specific compliment. For example, “Thank you, I worked really hard on that.”
6. Avoid Downplaying: Resist the urge to add qualifiers like “It was nothing” or “anyone could have done it.”
7. Practice Gratitude: Express gratitude for the compliment. This reinforces a positive mindset. (re-read last week’s ponderings on gratitude if you need more help on this)
8. Reflect and Internalise: Take time to reflect on the compliment and allow it to sink in.  Let yourself feel good about it.  It’s even ok to smile or pat yourself on the back.

The Power of Acceptance

Learning to take a compliment is an act of self-compassion.

It’s about acknowledging our worth and celebrating our accomplishments.

It’s also about letting in positive feedback and allowing it to nourish our self-esteem

So, the next time someone offers you a compliment, take a deep breath, silence the inner critic, and simply say, “Thank you.” You deserve it.

What are your experiences with taking compliments? I’d love to know your tips if you have any more to share.