First published 4 July 2025

What is the Real Cost of Hiding How We Feel?

Emotions have been on my mind this week, particularly after a discussion yesterday about the “media frenzy” after Chancellor Rachel Reeves “showed emotion” during PMQs.

I think the conversations after the event where more notable than the event itself (especially as I am not a fan of talking politics – it was bad enough that while this actually happened, I was in a meeting with a couple of MPs – but that’s a different story!).

I found myself in a fascinating – and frankly quite telling – discussion about it. The men seemed to have started the conversation and were questioning whether someone who gets emotional is fit for such a crucial job – especially as it had an impact on the financial markets 😲.

Meanwhile, the women in the room barely raised an eyebrow(other than in annoyance towards this even being a conversation we needed to have!).

Surely, it was just another human moment in a high-pressure situation?

It had me asking: if a male politician had shown anger – pounded on the desk, raised his voice, while showing frustration – would that have made headlines?

Would we be questioning his fitness for office, or would we have called it “passionate” or “strong leadership”?

The Double Standards We Live With

This isn’t really about politics, though.

It’s about something much deeper that affects all of us daily – the unspoken rules about which emotions are acceptable, when, and from whom (regardless of gender – ever heard the phrase ‘big boys don’t cry’?).

Think about your own life.

When was the last time you felt genuinely sad, frustrated, or overwhelmed at work but had to paste on a smile?

When did you last swallow down anger because showing it might make you look “unprofessional”?

How often do you apologise for feeling emotional, as if having feelings is somehow a personal failing?

We’ve created a world where showing certain emotions – unfortunately more so if you’re a woman – is seen as weakness.

Yet from a kinesiology perspective, emotions are simply energy in motion.

When we constantly suppress them, we’re essentially asking our bodies to hold onto energy that needs to move through us.

What Your Body Knows About Emotional Suppression

Within my work, each emotion is associated with specific organs and meridians.

When we habitually suppress emotions, we can create imbalances in our energy system (and that can be bad news):

• Anger (associated with gallbladder and liver) when suppressed can lead to tension, headaches, and feeling “stuck”
• Sadness (connected to the large intestine and lungs) when not expressed can manifest as breathing difficulties or digestive issues
• Fear (bladder and kidney meridians) when constantly pushed down can exhaust our vital energy and affect our sense of security

Your chakras tell a similar story.

When the throat chakra is blocked by unexpressed emotions, you might experience a literal lump in your throat, difficulty speaking up, or chronic throat issues.

The heart chakra, when we constantly guard our feelings, can become tight and closed, affecting our ability to connect authentically with others.

And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that’s a particularly healthy and happy way to live!

The Masculine vs Feminine Emotional Landscape

From an energetic perspective: traditionally “masculine” emotions like anger, frustration, and determination are more socially acceptable in professional settings.

They’re seen as dynamic, action-oriented, and powerful.

But traditionally “feminine” emotions – sadness, vulnerability, empathy, intuition – are often viewed as liabilities.

Yet these are the very emotions that foster connection, creativity, and authentic leadership. When we suppress our full emotional range, we’re essentially cutting ourselves off from valuable information.

Your emotions are your internal guidance system, telling you when something’s not right, when you need to pay attention, or when you’re exactly where you need to be.

The Energy Cost of Emotional Suppression

From a kinesiological standpoint, constantly suppressing emotions is exhausting.

Your nervous system is in a perpetual state of alert, using precious energy to keep feelings at bay rather than allowing them to flow through naturally.

Think of emotions like weather – they’re temporary, they have a purpose, and they’re meant to move through, not be dammed up.

When we allow ourselves to feel fully, emotions typically pass much more quickly than when we try to suppress them.

Thankfully we don’t live under a permanent rain cloud like Eeyore – yes even in Scotland!  The clouds move on by so perhaps we need to embrace this analogy more!

Permission to Feel

So here’s what I’m proposing: what if we stopped treating emotions as inconvenient interruptions to our “real” lives and started seeing them as valuable data?

What if, instead of asking “Is it appropriate to feel this way?” we asked “What is this emotion trying to tell me?“

What if we recognised that a leader who can show vulnerability and authenticity might actually be more trustworthy than one who appears emotionally invulnerable?

Your Emotional Awareness Challenge

This week, I’d love you to start paying attention to your emotions with the same curiosity you might bring to any other aspect of your wellbeing:

Notice when you feel the urge to hide or suppress an emotion.

What’s the emotion?

Where do you feel it in your body?

What’s the story you’re telling yourself about why it’s not okay to feel this way?

Observe the gender dynamics around emotions in your workplace or social circles.

Are certain emotions more acceptable from men than women?  Or perhaps the same emotions more acceptable from men than women?

And here’s the doozy – are you holding yourself to different emotional standards than you’d hold others?

Check in with your body.

Are you holding tension in your jaw from words left unsaid?

Tight shoulders from carrying emotional burdens?

A clenched stomach from swallowed feelings?

Practice emotional honesty – even in small ways.

“I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed today” instead of “I’m fine.”

“That made me sad” instead of “It doesn’t matter.”

The Bigger Picture

The reaction to Rachel Reeves’ tears this week isn’t really about one politician’s emotional moment.

It’s a mirror reflecting our collective discomfort with authentic human emotion, particularly from women in positions of power.

But here’s the thing – emotions don’t make us less capable.

They make us more human.

And in a world that often feels disconnected and artificial, maybe a bit more humanity is exactly what we need.

Your emotions are not your enemy.

Actually, I am going to say that again – your emotions are not your enemy.

They’re your allies, your wisdom, your truth.

The question isn’t whether you should feel them – you already do.

The question is whether you’ll give yourself permission to acknowledge them.

What would change in your life if you stopped hiding how you feel?

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If you’re struggling with emotional suppression and would like some support in reconnecting with your feelings safely, I’m here. Sometimes we all need permission to feel fully human.